David, “Lust Sick”
2 Samuel 13:1-22
Vs. 1-14 Lust’s insanity
Vs. 15-22 Lust’s hatred
Intro
As we turn to the 13th chapter, sadness comes upon the household of David, and the lifestyle that he had practiced comes back upon him in ways I’m certain he never expected. The rest of the book of 2 Samuel deals with the consequences of what happened in the 11th and 12th chapters. Though David has been forgiven, his lifestyle has had an adverse impact upon his children as often is the case. The remainder of this book is dark times for David, heart wrenching days where what life does to David will depend upon what life finds in David.
The three heirs to David’s throne were Amnon, Absalom and Adonijah, and before long the sword would take all three of them. These events are not far from each of us as the choices we have made in our personal private lives are often lived out in the lives of our loved ones. In Jer. 2:19 we are told that “Your own wickedness will correct you, And your backsliding will rebuke you.” Oh how true are those words of Jeremiah in my own life.
Again like David’s sin with Bathsheba and murder of Uriah, this story does not appear in 1 Chronicles which simply means David wanted this included about his life. Paul wrote in 1 Cor. 10:11 with regards to the old testament that “all these things happened to them as examples, and they were written for our admonition”. Here is my point: God wanted us to look at the ravages of sin, not only in our lives but the cost of it in the lives of those of our own family. Someone has well said, “Experience is the best teacher…but you can afford the tuition”! Better for you and I to learn from David as he paid for the classes himself and we can simply learn from his exams.
Lust’s insanity
Vs. 1-2 “After this”, is an interesting phrase as it ties David’s life and failure to that of what is recorded in the 13th chapter. You see, David had at least six different sons from six different wives. Absalom (father of peace) and his sister Tamar (palm tree) were the children of David through his wife Maacah, who was the daughter of Talmai, king of Geshur (making her a princess from a small nation near the Sea of Galilee). Furthermore, according to 2 Sam. 14:25 and here in 13:1, both Tamar and Absalom were very good looking. Now Amnon (faithful and true) was David’s first born son, born from his wife Ahinoam the Jezreelitess (2 Samuel 3:2). That made Amnon the crown prince and first in line for the throne. Here is a clear case where the names of these two fellows didn’t match their characters as Absalom was certainly not the “father of peace”, and there appears to be nothing “faithful and true” about Amnon.
Amnon was obsessed with lust over his sister Tamar and it was so bad that according to the Hebrew he was cramping up and weak, this fellow was truly LUST sick. Amnon had a strong sexual desire for his half sister Tamar, he was attracted to her physically but he did not have love. Oh to be sure he thought he did and he is neither the first nor the last to confuse lust with love. How can we tell if it’s love or lust? Well there is a blueprint for love that we can lay what we have next to and it’s found in 1 Corinthians, 13:4-8 “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” True love is other-centered, not self-centered, the only person Amnon loved was himself all. Where is that interest or concern with her feelings when she objects to his advances, if he truly loved her, he would’ve respected the feelings that she had.
Amnon had his own problems being the oldest and the natural heir to the throne made him a spoiled kid and it seems as though he got his way in about everything. Tamar being a virgin princess would have been kept secluded in their own quarters apart from her brothers and this apparently produced such infatuation that it made him lust-sick. The passage says that she was a virgin which made this all the more difficult for Amnon as she was available for marriage but just not to him as she was his half sister. In Leviticus 18:6, 11 we are told that “None of you shall approach anyone who is near of kin to him, to uncover his nakedness: I am the LORD… The nakedness of your father’s wife’s daughter, begotten by your father; she is your sister; you shall not uncover her nakedness.”
Vs. 3-5 Jonadab was a cousin of Amnon from David’s brother Shimeah. This fellow is no friend, just a trouble maker as his name will pop up again in this chapter trying to take advantage of the situation before David, even though it was him who suggested to Amnon to sleep with his sister in the first place. If Jonadab was truly a friend he would have said to Amnon, “Dude, are you out of your mind she’s your sister, get your heart back to God!” “Amnon you’re not in love you’re in lust and there is a cure for that it’s called repentance!”
Hey saint, any friend or relative that makes it easy to sin when we are around them is not someone we should be around and certainly not a person that we should take advice from. Consider the outcome of Jonadab’s advice, Amnon commits rape and incest and ends up getting murdered.
Amnon has clearly confused lust with love as he says “I love Tamar”. Listen carefully it is never love if we view people as objects of desire to possess for our own self gratification, that never comes from God only from Satan. Furthermore God’s love is about GIVING not GETTING! Notice the subtlety of the flesh as Amnon does what so many do today to justify the urges of the sin nature, “I love Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.” Now if Absalom’s is your brother and Tamar is his sister what does that make her to you? Certainly not your girlfriend or wife! Amnon’s lust has twisted his sense of reality as he can not make a clear distinction. Jonadab’s bad advice was to use his lust sickness to his advantage and arrange a meeting between Amnon and Tamar so that he could force himself on her.
Vs. 6-10 It is clear by this behavior that Amnon is very immature and that David should not have given in to it. One wonders why David was unable to see what was wrong with Amnon, perhaps David acted this way towards his children out of guilt, seeing that he had so many wives and children from each of them plus the responsibilities of being a king so he just let them get away with things.
In verse 7 David orders Tamar to obey her brother’s wishes and in so doing sent her to be raped and humiliated by her own brother. Through David’s indulgence, he has set in motion the events that will lead to the rape of a daughter by his son and the eventual murder of that son by another son. Hey folks, we do our children no favors by letting them have their way in the things of this world. In fact we sentence them to a lifetime of heartache. In first Timothy 3:2-5 Paul wrote the qualifications of leadership for the church, one of which was, “A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, temperate, sober-minded, of good behavior, hospitable, able to teach; not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money, but gentle, not quarrelsome, not covetous; one who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence (for if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?)” What a sad state that often the most gifted of God’s servants fail to exercise the same towards their own homes and thus disqualify themselves for service.
Amnon shows his intent when he refused to eat, kicked everyone out of the house and wants Tamar to feed him in his bedroom. Hey a word to you men, fellows the ladies in this fellowship are your sisters and as such are daughters of the King of Kings. So show some respect by not putting them into situations where someone may observe behavior that is suspect. I’m not against hugging but I’m not going to do the chest to chest hugging accept to my wife and I’m going to avoid being in a home or a room with one of my sisters. Why? Because I never want anyone to impugn my sisters reputation.
And a word to the ladies, for you now, you have far greater value to your heavenly Father than what the world has advertised, don’t sell yourselves short. If there is some fellow Christian or any other man who is friendly, flirtatious and he has your heart going pitter patter, oh he is so handsome and he opens the door for you, takes you out and treats you so well. He calls you all the time and listens to your every word and buys you little presents just because. You find yourself wanting to be with him and he says that he wants to be with you intimately.
Right then you have a warning signal, you see if he is really what you think he is he will never want to put you in a place where you will give up your body without his first making a commitment before God of marriage. If you hear those words “If you love me you’d let me” look him in the eye and say “If you loved me you never would ask!” Ladies, listen to me please, there are far too many Amnon’s out there who are willing to say and do anything to get you to give them your bodies for their pleasure and once they get you to do so they will kick you out and bolt leaving you crying outside. How do you know if the guy is an Amnon? Well if he tries to get you to give up your body before he has committed his heart to God by way of a covenant then he is an Amnon.
If the marriage license is just a piece of paper before you get married, it will be just a piece of paper after you get married. And if you have to give a man your body to get them to love you then what makes you think if another woman offers them their body that they won’t take the same opportunity?
Vs. 11-14 Finally Amnon shows what is truly in his heart and admits that Tamar is his sister. Tamar pleaded to Amnon to think of the nation, think of God, she pleaded to him to be a better man, then she tried to buy time and pleaded for him to simply ask their dad if she could be his wife. Clearly Tamar is just trying to get out of a bad situation as she suggests that they talk to dad and then they can get married, even though this was clearly forbidden. She clearly is repulsed by such a suggestion and how it was against the Lord and should not be a part of God’s people, “You’ll be a fool and I’ll be shamed as no man will want me”. But lust simply ignores reason and logic. It refuses to listen to anything or anyone and plunges after that which it is possessed with, SELF! Amnon can not see the consequences his actions will bring to him and others. This is noting but rape and incest as Amnon forces himself upon his sister. I personally long for us to dwell in a world where these kinds of things will not even be mentioned let alone happening, but we are not there yet. And know this God’s heart breaks for those who have been victimized by the selfish lusts of others.
Hey, folk’s sex was God’s idea and His design is for it to be a beautiful experience, whereby two become one, in fact God’s thought concerning it was that by this act of two becoming one that the human species would be perpetuated upon the earth. Because this kind of intimacy is so precious to Him he placed it within the walls of a contract whereby two people promise to live selfless lives looking to the interests of each other before self. It is outside of God’s plan that we see sex perverted and people becoming just objects of lust for self gratification. Make no mistake about it, this has nothing to do with love or sex as God designed!
According to the statistics on child molestation 80% of the time it is someone the child knows and the number of cases are growing each year. The statistics also show that this crime is directly tied to the growth of pornography on the Internet. Studies conducted by the FBI have shown that pornography is extremely influential in the actions of sex offenders and serial murders. 90 percent of the predators who molest children have had some type of involvement with pornography.
According to Charles Keating of Citizens for Decency Through Law, research reveals that 77% of child molesters of boys and 87% of child molesters of girls admitted imitating the sexual behavior they had seen in pornography they had watched. Roughly 33% of girls and 14% of boys are molested before the age of 18, according to the U.S. Justice Department. Nearly 2/3 of all sexual assaults reported involved minors and roughly 1/3 involved children under the age of 12 and as horrible as these statistics are they are most likely far worse as only 35% of sexual abuse is reported.
Pastor, why are you bringing this up? Two reasons, one it is in the text that we are looking at in a home where the head of the household was a man after God’s own heart yet he had lived a compromised life and that life affected those around him. Second, I’m declaring war against this kind of stuff in the body of Christ, if you have trouble with the internet get rid of it NOW!
Lust’s hatred
Vs. 15 Guilt over sin is what Amnon now has and he hates what he has done and has now transferred that hatred of self to the victim. Amnon didn’t have love for Tamar; no he only was interested in what he could get from her and had no concern for her. And where did Amnon learn such behavior? Well he only had to look at the example of his father even though Amnon takes to a much further level of wickedness. In Exodus 20:5 we are told that “I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me.”
And this is often how the iniquity is carried from generation to generation as children observe and model a parents sinful behavior only they add to it. “The hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her.” The only thing that Amnon had for his sister after he violated her was a sense of wanting to remove any thought of his guilt from his presence. Clearly Amnon saw in Tamar a villain and he was the victim of her beauty or friendly conversation. True love does not violate another’s body just to satisfy selfish pleasures. There is a fine line between selfish lust and hatred and clearly after the fact, Amnon crossed over. When people treat other humans as nothing more than inanimate objects simply to be used and tossed away the end will always be emotional damage.
Vs. 16-18 It is interesting to see Amnon’s reaction to Tamar after he had got what he wanted, this casual promiscuous sex that the world pushes was unfulfilling to both and left Amnon angry and Tamar brokenhearted. Notice that the word “woman” in verse 17 is italicized which means that in the Hebrew it’s not there. Simply put what Amnon says is, “Put this one, this thing out and bolt the door”. Amnon’s reaction to dissipate his guilt was to treat the woman he just raped with contempt and for him it was no doubt on to the next conquest. “You said you loved me Amnon, you said you wanted me and in the end all you wanted was to please yourself and throw me away like a used tissue!” “Get her out of here and bolt the door, I don’t want to see that sleazy girl any more”. How many times has this scene been repeated generation after generation? Men, we need to change our hearts towards women and see them as daughters of the king of kings and not objects designed for our pleasure!
According to Exodus 22:16-17 and Deut. 22:28-29 the only honorable thing left for Amnon to do was to pay her the “bride price,” a type of alimony that would have to be paid for the rest of the woman’s life as she’s now less likely to get married seeing that she was no longer a virgin. But Amnon didn’t care about how his raping his sister affected her; he didn’t want to be saddled with the financial responsibilities to which she protests loudly and is thrown out by one of Amnon’s servants.
The “robe of many colors” was a garment that was like a formal gown which showed that she was a person of privilege and status and didn’t have to work. She wore a garment that signified that she was a virgin, a special garment that only the king’s daughters would wear. And she tore it and put ashes on her head as a sign of mourning. Today folks look at young people as if there is something wrong with them if they stay virgins until marriage, but it is an honorable thing to wait for the man or woman that God will bring you as you are wearing the robe of Christ’s righteousness.
Despite her tears, her being a fellow Israelite, relative, sister and princess they bolted the door behind them keeping her locked outside, not wanting to hear her woundedness. Tamar had her virginity taken from her and then was simply discarded like trash. She was no longer considered marriage material and was not to wear her virgin robes. Dear saints, I’m afraid that far too long we have treated the victims of this kind of stuff in the church the same way that Tamar is treated, kept outside in shame and shame goes to those who have perpetrated this sin and to those who have not been a part of the healing of a wounded life.
Vs. 19-22 Tamar didn’t seek to hide the crime that had been done to her, she tore her coat and put ashes on her head all of which signified a great wrong and injustice done to her. Her sobbing caused her brother Absalom to ask if Amnon had slept with her, so apparently he was already acting lustful towards Tamar. But although Absalom said, “Hey, you know, he’s your brother, no big deal”, in his heart he was planning revenge. Tamar didn’t go to her father but rather her brother as perhaps she held him somewhat responsible for indulging her brother and sending her to him. But even her brother says, “hold your peace, He is your brother do not take this thing to heart.” So again Tamar is victimized this time by her full brother. Absalom told his sister, “I’ll take care of this sis,” but all he wants to do is kill Amnon as Amnon is the first in line to the throne, so in essence Tamar is raped again by Absalom. Is there any wonder today that these kinds of things lead to drug and alcohol addiction, and domestic violence as we shall see next week as Amnon will be murdered by Absalom?
Perhaps they waited to see what their father David would do as it was David’s responsibility to discipline Amnon. Instead after David got angry, nothing else happened and what do you suppose that made Tamar feel? I’m afraid this happens far too much of the time, as David did nothing to either protect Tamar nor correct Amnon. Perhaps David felt he could not do anything because of his own sexual failings, so he doesn’t discipline his own son. He offers no comfort to Tamar and no correction to Amnon and instead decides to just let things slide. At the very least David could have said, “Amnon, I know what can happen in a life when sexual lust goes unrepented, I know what damage it can do in lives. Amnon you must not let lust conquer your heart you need to confess it before it grows.” And to Tamar he could have said, “I’m sorry for not being a better father and example to your brother and for not considering you and providing a safe place for you to live without fear of being raped by your own brother.”
According to Deut. 22:28-29 if a man raped a virgin he had to pay her father a fine, marry her and never divorce her. But the scriptures also forbid marriage between ½ brothers and sisters. But David had committed two crimes that deserve capital punishment and had neither sentence lain upon himself. David was morally crippled by his own life style but listen up he later realized this and that is why we have this story in the Bible, because later on David realized that he could have used his moral failure to speak to his children that lust kills and destroys and he could have spared suffering in his own house had he done so earlier. Mothers, fathers, have you sat down with your children and told them the mistakes you made with not controlling your passions and how it nearly destroyed your life had it not been for Jesus, perhaps the first place we need to witness for Christ is in our own home!
David, “Parental neglect”
2 Samuel 13: 15-31
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Vs. 23-29 Time to bury the hatchet
Vs. 30-39 Absalom fled
Intro
We find ourselves in yet another story in David’s life where the “sword is not departing from his own house”. In a much younger day as a young parent, I asked my mother who raised four boys pretty much on her own if parenting got easier when we became adults. Her response shocked me as she wasted no time in saying, “Dale, it becomes much harder the older you get as the bigger messes you make”. Now some 20 years later I’m not sure if the “messes” she was referring to were her own or ours? Listen up, throughout our lives each of us at times will either find ourselves under the judgment of sin which God has not forgiven because we have not repented, or we are suffering from the chastisement of our heavenly Father because of the sin He has forgiven and at times it is difficult outwardly to tell the difference. That is where David finds himself, in a pickle, longing to be with his estranged son but knowing as king he must be judged for his sinful behavior.
So how does David handle this, he avoids contact, buries his head in the sand and waits it out. God faced the same with you and I. He longed to be reunited with His beloved creation but such rebellion and disobedience must be judged. So what did he do? His only begotten Son was willing to take our place and in so doing became the minister of reconciliation for all who wish to again become His children not just by way of His creation but by way of relationship!
Time to bury the hatchet
Vs. 23-27 Now in verse 21 we were told that when David heard of all these things, he was very angry, but I suggest that what he should have had was not anger but grief and that such heartbreak should have been geared to comforting Tamar and correcting Amnon. All that anger produced was a release of emotions and as we shall see anger will be what powers Absalom to kill Amnon. Absalom played it cool for two years until the suspicions diminished but during this time Absalom did nothing but plot and plan for an opportune time to kill Amnon for his sin against Tamar. Absalom no doubt had a love for his sister in fact in the next chapter (14:27) we are told that he had a “daughter whose name was Tamar. She was a woman of beautiful appearance”, so he named his daughter after his sister.
Finally it came time for the annual sheepshearer’s convention in Baal Hazor (Baal’s Village) about eight miles north of Jerusalem in the town of Ephraim. These events were known for their celebrations as it was a time where you celebrated the wealth you had, it was a big party where prostitutes would come and people would get drunk. It was a party like this back in Genesis 38:13 that got Judah in trouble with yet another Tamar. Absalom knows his older brother’s tendencies, he knows that Amnon wouldn’t be able to resist a party with scantily clad girls; you see Amnon has a problem with lust. Furthermore, Absalom knows his father David’s permissive parenting style. So Absalom thinks, “I can’t just go out and invite Amnon as it would raise suspicions so I’ll first invite dad to come on out with his servants to celebrate, I’ll push the issue so that dad really thinks I want him to come but he won’t want to be a burden”.
Based upon David’s response in verse 25 Absalom’s plan worked to perfection as David’s words indicate that his reason for turning down the offer was so that he wouldn’t be a burden financially. Now this is an important detail as it also reveals that this celebration must have taken place in Absalom’s house. You see it tells us a lot about David being an indulgent father who not only didn’t require much from his children he gave them much. How do we know? Well these things were the type of parties where the bigger the bash the more money you had. Hey saints, I’m all for spoiling our children but let us make sure that it is not at the expense of raising them up in the “training and admonition of the Lord.” (Eph 6:4)
Perhaps David thought that this would bring the family back together as it seemed as though Absalom wanted to bury the hatchet but based upon his response in verse 26 “why should he go,” it appears that he was reluctant as such good will from Absalom suggested a plot and David settles upon a compromise only allowing Amnon to go if all the brothers went as well. Again part of the cunning of Absalom was to try to convince his dad to go all the time knowing that David wouldn’t go but bless the occasion nonetheless. This tactic worked after having received his fathers blessing on the party he asked Amnon to go, “Hey dad since you can’t go, how about my big brother, you know dad I want to bury the hatchet and all”. And again the condition seems to be that not just Amnon but the rest of the boys as well and so off they go.
Hey a word to parents, go back to when you were teenagers when you used all the tricks to manipulate your parents into letting you do what you wanted. Remember how careful you were to plan to go to the party that you knew your parents would not let you go to. Remember how you plotted and planned to go out with the guy you knew your parents wouldn’t approve of. Remember how you threw fits and manipulated your parents to get them to let you go out? Well not to worry because your kids will never do that to you! YEH RIGHT! Parents, your kids are just as prone to the flesh as you and I were and we need not succumb to the tricks, why? Because we have been around the block ourselves and take a con to know a con!
Vs. 28-29 David’s suspicions of Absalom’s motives should have caused him to set aside Amnon and Absalom and deal with the failure of both of them but he again shirks his God given responsibility to guide and train his children. Apparently David eventually learned this as proverbs 22:6 Solomon would write “Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.” Because of this Absalom will seize the opportunity granted by his father to kill his brother for raping his sister. But he is not going to do it with his own hands he is going to have his servants do so and that only after Amnon is drunk and unable to defend himself.
So, as Amnon was staggering Absalom said, “strike now”, and in front of them all Amnon was murdered, sending all the boys mounting their mules fearing they might be next. Amnon was no doubt a bit nervous about being around Absalom but the opportunity to party with wine, women and song was too great an opportunity for Amnon. One wonders if getting Amnon drunk was a trick Absalom learned from his father David when he attempted to cover up his adulterous relationship with Uriah’s wife Bathsheba. No worries about retribution as they were only acting on orders of the prince to kill the crown prince, so go ahead and kill him.
Absalom waited two full years for his dad to put out Amnon from the kingdom, to see if David’s anger would bring about justice. Didn’t David know that his two oldest boys had not spoken in two years, was he so removed from his family, so absent as a father that he had not noticed? Here is a rule of thumb: a neglected kid makes for a master manipulator and Absalom and Amnon both had become great at it. Though David doesn’t yet know it he is sending Amnon to his death just as he sent Uriah to his and Tamar to her rape. Some may say, “Well Amnon for all practical purposes had ruined Tamar’s life and furthermore, Absalom’s revenge is based upon the fact that David did nothing and only got angry.”
So to some, Absalom’s revenge may seem like justice after all Amnon did rape his sister and dad did nothing. It has been well said that, “In taking revenge a man shows that he is his enemy’s equal but in forgiveness he shows that he is his superior!” Consider Jesus when as we are told in 1 Peter 2:23-24 when “He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously; who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness; by whose stripes you were healed.”
David had morally failed and perhaps he felt as though he had lost the right to speak to either Amnon or Absalom and for the position of having practiced personal holiness he had lost that right, but he could speak to them from the position of failure and brokenness, he could have held up his own ruin as reason to avoid lust and pride.
Parents do not fall into the lie that because you have failed to live by God’s standard that you have lost the right to speak of its truth. Our failure to live by God’s Word does not diminish the truth; it only shows the ruin of not having done so. Satan would have us not speak of God’s word to our children but our kids are on loan from God they do not belong to us and we will have to give an account that is why in the bible there are 66 chapters on the life of David so we can learn from his mistakes.
Absalom fled
Vs. 30-36 Jonadab liked being in the position of bringing good news to David but he has switched sides as he first told Amnon to go ahead and rape his sister and now he seems to be with Absalom in the murder of Amnon. Hey saint, when we look at Jonadab the phrase comes to mind, “You don’t need to be clever or smart to start a lot of trouble, only foolish.”
Being that Baal Hazor is only eight miles away it didn’t take long for word to get back to David but what got back was that all the boys were dead by the hand of Absalom. The tearing of garments is a sign of extreme grief and upon hearing that all the heirs to the throne were dead caused David to immediately grieve and his servants with him. But you know what interests me is there is no statement by David of disbelief at the suggestion of Absalom killing the heirs to the throne; which suggests to me that David was not surprised by what happened, only grieved that it did.
Oh but thank God for Jonadab the same fellow who had suggested the means by which Amnon could rape his sister. He is right there saying, “Not to worry uncle, Absalom wasn’t out to kill his entire brothers just Amnon for raping his sister”. I’m certain that David is not in his right mind at this moment because if he was he would have asked Jonadab, “How do you know”? “Well Uncle it was my idea that led to Tamar’s rape and Absalom told me his plan to seek revenge against Amnon”.
Though David wept bitterly upon hearing the news of the death of Amnon the crown prince it was his apathy in correction that was partially to blame. But his grief was eased no doubt when someone saw a cloud of dust on the horizon and all David’s boys minus two were coming back and when they got together they all wept together, for the loss of Amnon and the separation from Absalom.
Hey parents, what can we learn from this tale so far? I suggest to you that it is important to be involved in our children’s lives, to know what’s going on with them, who their friends are and what they like and dislike. It is also important that we understand that we are to love our children enough for them to not like us!
Can you imagine Jonadab saying, “No big deal David, not all your sons are dead, only the lust sick Amnon.” As parents it doesn’t matter what our children have done, no matter how many sinful things they have gotten themselves into they will always be our children, and as such our hearts will break just as much. You go visit folks in prison and have them start talking about their mothers or fathers and how their actions have broken their parents hearts, talk to parents who have wayward children and see their tears flow.
Listen up, sin separates, it destroys lives and ruins relationships and all are its victims. But there is an antidote to sin. There is Someone who is called “the Repairer of the Breach, The Restorer of Streets to Dwell In.” (Isa. 58:12) It is said of Him that “there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.” (Acts 4:12) He said of Himself, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.” (John 14:6) And it is “through His name, whoever believes in Him will receive remission of sins.” (Acts 10:43) So as we live in a fractured world where sin divides and destroys, look upon the Son that, “you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that believing you may have life in His name.” (John 20:31)
Vs. 37-39 Absalom did not go to a city of refuge because he was guilty, and those cities were only meant to protect the innocent. Instead he flees to his grandfather’s kingdom for three years. These are gentile grandparents and as such Absalom is leaving the land of Israel, leaving the land of promise. And after three years the death of Amnon was not greater than the separation from Absalom and David longed to be reconciled with him but didn’t bother to first have Absalom reconciled with the Lord. Again this indulgence towards Absalom was the same seen towards Amnon and both will meet with the same end.
Twice we are told that Absalom fled (verse 34 and 37) perhaps the first time to throw off the scent of his guilt and the second time when that didn’t work he ran 80 miles to his maternal grandparents where he would hold up for three years. It appears as though two very different things happened during those three years, David mourned the loss of Amnon and wanted to reconcile with Absalom and Absalom plotted how he could take his father’s kingdom from him (chapters 14-15). According to chapter 14:28 Absalom will dwell two more years in Jerusalem until David sees him. Now this is again significant as in 1 Kings 1:6 we are told of David’s lenient behavior towards all his third son’s Adonijah as it is said that David had not ever, “rebuked him at any time by saying, Why have you done so?” David’s discipline of Absalom appears to have been the silent method of avoidance instead of dealing with his sin.
As time passed the heartache for the loss of Amnon became weaker and the longing for Absalom grew stronger. Three years is a long time to be separated and David is unable to condone or condemn and he wants to get it right but his pride won’t let him. If you are estranged from one of your children or one of your parents maybe this story will be a motive to go and make it right, pick up the phone, drop an email and reach out. “Yeah, but you don’t know what they have done!” You’re right I don’t but is avoidance helping heal the relationship? If you never got the opportunity to say you’re sorry or that you loved them or to share God’s love for them again would you regret it? Because you never know, so why not be the first to initiate and attempt to restore the relationship otherwise you may never get the opportunity!
As we have looked at the plot hatched by Absalom to kill his older brother Amnon to avenge the rape of his sister Tamar, our hearts need to be broken by the horrible consequences of sin. The destruction, death and despair that lie in the wake of sin are far greater than the temporary pleasures it offered. Sin advertises immediate self satisfaction without ever mentioning the cost or what will be lost, “Enjoy NOW, don’t worry about the consequences!” Every newscast ought to be a reminder of the price for sin and our hearts need to be broken by it, instead of being seduced by its false promises.
Behind every sordid story of lust is death, death of innocence, death of relationships. All ought to consider this chapter before they follow down the path of lust as we see a brokenhearted father, a sister Tamar whose name suggests fruitfulness yet will be barren and depressed, Amnon murdered, and Absalom angry and in self-exile. If we allow lust to be part of our relationships it will ruin all it comes in contact with. So why not heed the words of Peter in 1 Peter 2:11 where he says, “I beg you as sojourners and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul”. If we follow after lust we will have a little pleasure followed by a lifetime of pain but if we flee lust we will have a little pain followed by a lifetime of pleasure.