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1 Corinthians | Chapter 7

1 Corinthians 7:1-9 “Sex, Marriage & Singleness”

I. Intro

In the sixth chapter, Paul spoke on the purpose and design for sexual intimacy. He finished with the truth that, since we have become believers having been bought at a price, our life’s purpose and goal is to “glorify God” whether that is in our bodies or our spirits. In other words, we are to glorify the Lord in our attitudes and actions, inwardly and outwardly.

As simple as that sounds, you and I know that the practice of this is very difficult, especially as it deals with relating to other people on this planet. The closer those relationships become, the more difficult it becomes to glorify God. Here is what I have found in my life with Jesus. I forget that I don’t have any rights. My life is not my own; it all belongs to Jesus. My problem is not the theology of it. It is the practice of it. What? Well, Jesus has me practicing the truth of that to other people. In fact, He has me practice that to every other person on this planet. Most of those strangers are one-time things, but some of those people are close and some I live with. The closer the relationship, the more my attitude of “Who do they think they are?” and “You can’t treat me that way?” comes out. Those phrases give way to the “I deserve better than this!” statement, and then I’m off to the races! Folks, all of my interpersonal relationship battles come down to me forgetting “Who” purchased my life! If it is Jesus that purchased my life, then He can do with it and give it away to whomever He chooses. That is the backdrop of this chapter, as we shall see whom the Lord has us giving our lives to.

II. Vs. 1-5 The Blessings of Marriage

Vs. 1 There is an obvious break in this letter right here in this verse, as Paul switches from correcting the problems in the Church at Corinth to that of answering their questions. From right here in this verse to chapter 16, verse 12, Paul will address seven different questions that the Corinthians wanted answered:

  • Marriage
  • Freedom
  • Church life
  • Spiritual gifts
  • The resurrection
  • Giving
  • Visiting leaders

Apparently, these questions came by way of a letter delivered by three of the members of the Church, “Stephanas and Fortunatus and Achaicus” (16:17), who, no doubt, filled in the blanks.

The first question they wanted answered dealt with sex, marriage, and being single. You will notice that their questions concerning this are not given only the answers, so it is up to us to piece together what their question was based upon Paul’s answer.

His first answer: “It is good for a man not to touch a woman.” Now this chapter does not deal with all of the specifics of marriage, only answers to questions they had. They wanted to know, in light of the society they lived in, wouldn’t it be better that men and women stayed away from sexual relations altogether? Is a celibate lifestyle what we all ought to be practicing? Corinth was a sexually oriented society. It was everywhere, a constant temptation, and they were thinking that perhaps it would be better if they just made a hard and fast rule that all Christians stop having sex and just live a celibate lifestyle. The answer Paul gives is interesting, as he agrees first and then clarifies what he meant. “It is perfectly proper for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman,” he says. Notice that he does not say that it is preferable to having sexual relations, rather it is fine not to. Paul had already addressed this in the last chapter when dealing with sexual intimacy, “If you are single, then you are to be chaste!” There is nothing wrong with being single; Paul will call it a gift, but he also calls marriage a gift as they are both. Allow me a little cultural understanding to give light on Paul’s words:

  • To the Jewish person, to be unmarried was seen as being disobedient to the Lord’s command in Gen. 2:18 to be fruitful and multiply.
  • The Roman Empire allowed four types of marriages:
    1. Slaves could be allowed by their owners to live together in a “tent companionship” and were allowed to stay that way as long as the owner wanted it to. If the owner wanted to sell one of the partners, he could. If he wanted to separate them and create a new relationship, he could. Many in the Church of Corinth were slaves and had been married and separated several times.
    2. There were also those who practiced a form of “common law” marriage which recognized a couple to be married after they had lived together for one year.
    3. There were also fixed marriages in which a father would sell his daughter to a man who would become her husband.
    4. Finally, there was marriage that is most familiar to us but in their culture was reserved only for the wealthy. In fact, the ceremony used in this type of Roman marriage has been passed down through the centuries and the ceremony is still just like it was practiced 2,000 years ago. Both families participated in the planning of the wedding. The bride had a maid of honor, the groom a best man. They exchanged vows, the bride wore a veil, and rings were worn on the third finger of the left hand. At the end of the wedding, the bride tossed a bouquet of flowers, and the couple ate a cake especially made for them.

Divorce was extremely common with most of the populace, having been separated from whom they had originally been married under one of the four types of marriages. Can you imagine the tension in the Church at Corinth between these groups? You had the gentile believers who had been married several times and were no longer with anyone. Then, there were those who had been married and were still with someone. The Jewish believers saw anyone that was single and wanting to stay that way in direct disobedience to the Word of God. “What do we do Paul, now that we are Christians? Should we stay married? If my spouse is an unbeliever, should I divorce them? If I’m single, should I get married?” That’s the context of this passage. So how does he answer them? The first answer is directed to the Jewish believers who were putting pressure upon the gentile believers to marry.

  • Vs. 1-2 “If you are single and happy, praise the Lord!” How do you know if you are happy? Well, if you are single and celibate (not wanting to have sex), then great, praise the Lord, stay that way. There’s nothing wrong at all with being single. It’s a gift as you can focus your attention on serving the Lord and glorifying Him. How do you know if you have the gift of being single? Look at verse 9 “If they cannot exercise self-control, and they are on fire with passion (not for serving the Lord) but for sex,” then they are not called to be single. The interesting thing for me is to see single people spend so much time trying to be with someone and married people spending so much time trying not to! I’m convinced that it is the same problem in both cases, “self-centeredness”! I know folks that are Christians and married yet basically still act as if they are single. Then I know single people who are Christians and they act as if they are married. A great many people would like to be single except for the sex. They want to have sex but not be devoted to their spouses. Normally, this is a guy thing, but I’ve met some women who have the same opinion. The Bible’s position is being single means you are completely celibate. “Oh, that’s not me man, I’m not called to that!” Great, no problem, as Paul is going to give us three things that must be in every marriage dealing with sexual intimacy in the marriage. If you are single because of the situation and not because of calling, then you need to understand what sexual intimacy within the marriage is all about because perhaps you have a mistaken idea about it.
  • Vs. 2 “If you are married and happy, praise the Lord!” The first thing Paul says is that sex within marriage is characterized by two things:
    1. Monogamy (a single mate) for your life. Paul does not say “wives or husbands” but rather “his own wife and her own husband.” If you are married, then you are to have sex only with your spouse for life; no one else is to share your body. It is only for your spouse.
    2. Heterosexual and not homosexual. Paul clearly says “let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.” Paul gives no room for homosexual marriages as being pushed today. He has already dealt with this issue in chapter six, verses 9-10 and said that they would not be in the kingdom of God. The marriage union, monogamy, does not sanctify a homosexual union according to the Word of God. It does not matter if that union is monogamous or if they were married in a Church.

Pay attention now Christian because, if you are married or if you are single, these verses are going to shed some light upon how God has designed sex in marriage. In fact, Paul is going to give us three things that must be part of the sexual experience within a marriage:

  1. Vs. 3 Love: Notice carefully the words Paul uses here dealing with sex within marriage, “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.” Two things are here in this verse that give us an understanding of love as it deals with sex in a marriage:
    • “Affection”: The word here, used in the Greek, is found only three times in the N.T., here and in Eph. 6:7, where it is used as combining “Good and will.” Paul could have used a Greek word that meant only sex, but he did not. Some translations interpret this word as “kindness.” Perhaps we could better use the word “romance.” Webster’s dictionary defines romance as a “love story.” Paul tells us that it is not about the sex. It is about the love! In other words, sex within marriage has everything to do with love of another more than self. The word “render” means “give away”, thus, in marriage, we are to give away our love and that is what sex is all about. It is not about getting pleasure. It is all about giving pleasure! In marriage, we are to give our love to another, so Paul deals first with what we are to give away before he deals with how often we are to do so. Interesting to me that he addresses this to the man before he does the woman, “Men romance your wives” Paul says.
    • “Due her”: Second, Paul describes the obligation of lovingly giving yourself to your spouse. The word “affection” defined what each person ought to give to their spouse. The word “due” tells us that it is an obligation to do so. Now listen carefully Christian, the emphasis is not on “You owe me” but rather “I owe you.” I have heard many couples use this verse to describe something their spouse owes them, and the truth of the matter is it is not what is owed you rather it is what you owe your spouse! It is all about giving and not getting when it comes to sex in the Christian marriage.
  2. Vs. 4 Surrender: Here Paul switches the gender placing the exhortation first to wives then to husbands. To husbands, Paul says give yourself away romantically to your wives. But here, he says that wives need to surrender their bodies to their husbands. In other words, sex in a marriage ought to be about surrender and not used as power over another. To deprive your spouse of sex is to rip them off from what is theirs. Our bodies belong first and foremost to God. Secondly, they belong to our spouse and are to be given over to them in an expression of our love and devotion towards them. There is no call to be celibate within the marriage covenant except for a short period of time that is mutually agreed upon for the purpose of drawing nearer to the Lord (verse 5). Sex is designed like service in the body of Christ; we only gain as we give ourselves away in total surrender. Now just as I said a minute ago, it is not about me demanding sex from my wife, rather it is about me recognizing that I’m to give myself to her regularly. Sex is not just about procreation. It is also about pleasure, not ours but our spouses’. Our bodies belong to the Lord first and our spouses second, so it is not theirs to give to another. Their authority over our bodies comes from our surrender to the Lord.
  3. Vs. 5 Respect: Finally, Paul brings up the only reason for keeping ourselves from giving our bodies over to pleasing our spouse is out of respect for each other. Yet this is given some definite guidelines as well:
    • “except with consent”: The spouse needs to be informed and agree to the terms. Why? Because your body is their body!
    • “For a time”: That is to say that there is a specific time frame set for not giving yourself to your spouse romantically.
    • “that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer”: Paul says that the purpose must be to draw nearer to the Lord. Though not specifically said, in doing this, we would become better for our spouse.
    • “and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control”: Finally, Paul says that they need to make sure that this is not a prolonged time, as it would give room for the enemy to rip off our spouse by way of temptation. Husbands and wives are then to resume their normal sexual relationship after that time is over.

The underlining point of this verse is “respect”: respecting the desire of our spouse above that of ourselves. Paul wrote generally of this in Philippians 2:3-4 when he said, “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interest, but also for the interests of others.”

III. Vs. 6-9 The Blessings of Being Single

Vs. 6 The word “concession” is a word that means “to think the same thing as someone else.” So Paul is saying that he is aware of the blessedness of singleness and, by his last words, not making a commandment for single people to get married. His point is that a person’s spiritual maturity, or lack of it, is not determined by their marital status.

Vs. 7 He now takes up the gift of being single, and he says that he wished that all men were as he was. Paul was free to serve Christ in whatever capacity the Lord had for him. When you are married, your first ministry is towards your spouse. You are to give yourself towards that relationship first, and others get the leftovers. But when you are single, you can give all your time to the Lord. It is a wonderful thing to spend all of your time serving the Lord. It is also glorious to spend your time serving the spouse the Lord has given you. Both are gifts from God, though very different, and are equal in value in the eyes of the Lord. Paul makes it clear here as well, as the words he would share with Timothy, that he was not into the false teaching that some had that forbid people to marry (1 Tim. 4:1-3).

Vs. 8-9 There are three classifications of single people, two of which are given to us here:

  • “Unmarried”: It is clear by the use of this word that these were folks who at one time were married but were at this time no longer married. They were not virgins, and they were not widows.
  • “Widows”: They were at one time married, but their spouse has passed away.
  • Vs. 28 “Virgin”: Finally, there are those who have never been married and are placed in the category as virgins.

So Paul says to the first two groups who have had sexual relations in a marriage that it would be better for them to remain single, as long as they did not desire sexual relations and were able to exercise self-control then serve the Lord. But if they were consumed about being with a spouse, then they ought to think of becoming married again. What do we learn in this passage? Well, several things:

  • Unmarried: Clearly there are reasons permissible in scripture for those once married to again get married to another.
    1. If they are widowed and God has not gifted them with being single, then it is fine for them to get married. In fact, in 1 Tim 5:14 Paul said of the younger widows that it was more “desirable that the younger widows marry.”
    2. If they have been married and divorced prior to becoming a Christian, then they are a “new creation” in Christ and again they are free to remarry, if that is the gift God has given them. It is clear here that Paul speaks of those who are believers and are presently divorced from their spouse.
  • Next let me suggest to all those that are single several things:
    1. Nowhere are you allowed in scripture to become unequally yoked with a nonbeliever simply because you are not called to be single (2 Cor. 6:14).
    2. If you are called to be married and are not yet married, then here is what you can do while you are waiting to become married. Stop looking for the right person and start working on becoming the right person! If you are single and called to be married, then God has the person for you when the time is right and not a moment sooner.
    3. Don’t settle for anything other than the type of person that you have become in the Lord, “loving, tender hearted, a servant of Jesus.”
    4. Avoid anything or anyone that is a distraction for you to become the right person. Stay away from single groups that are designed as pick up joints. Pray and grow in the grace and knowledge of Jesus and use the time God has given you of being single to glorify Him!

1 Corinthians 7:10-16 “What God Has Joined”

I. Intro

We come now to a very difficult passage of scripture as Paul deals with marriage and divorce. This topic is emotionally charged on all sides with real hurts and pains from those who have gone through divorce, as well as those who have stayed in painful marriages. I do not wish to cause anyone more pain than what they are currently under, yet I will not compromise the truth of God’s Word. It seems to me that the balance of this section is to offer the truth in a heart that breaks at the pain of failed relationships, some of which is self-inflicted.

Paul gave what I called last week the three keys to a great love life:

  • Love: That is seen as affection that is owed by me towards my spouse
  • Surrender: Of my life and my body for the pleasing of my spouse
  • Respect: A heart that always honors and respects my spouse in a way that seeks their interests above my own

That is God’s plan for marriage. It is what each of us, in our married life, need to seek Him to bring about in our lives. Where the individuals in a marriage continue to seek those three things, marriage is the closest thing to heaven on earth. Where they don’t, it can be the most agonizing relationship a person can endure in this life. My wife and I have celebrated more than 24 years of marriage and, through the power of the Spirit of God, we have a better marriage now than we did when we first got married. Have there been difficult seasons in our relationship over the years? Yes, but the key has always been putting Christ first and treating her as I would want to be treated, regardless of how she treated me. Perhaps you are here this morning in what you feel is a hopeless situation concerning your marriage or separation. Peter wrote to the Church that was enduring a severe trial to “rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” That is our hope that we will be one day in the presence of Jesus and all these things shall pass away.

II. Vs. 10-11 Believing Marriages

Vs. 10 Some have sought to lessen Paul’s words concerning marriage, divorce, and remarriage based upon the phrase “I command, yet not I but the Lord” and its companion phrase of verse 12 “to the rest I, not the Lord, say.” Clearly, Paul is making a distinction between his words and the words of the Lord, but it is not as some say a distinction between:

  • What is inspired and what is not
  • Nor is it a distinction between what Paul taught and what God’s word teaches

What it is a distinction of is what the Lord taught while on earth and what the Lord has taught Paul while He is in heaven through the Holy Spirit.

Let’s take this section here apart and look at it:

To whom does he address in verses 10-11? Well, he calls them “the married.” Clearly, the “married” are different than the “rest” of verse 12 and the “unmarried” of verse 8. So how do we determine just who these folks are? Well, we start with what we do know.

  • Vs. 12 “The rest”: Are described for us as those marriages where one of the members of the marriage is a born-again believer in Jesus and the other one is not. We will take them up in verses 12-16.
  • Vs. 8 “The unmarried”: Are single people who are neither widows (verses 8) nor those who have never been married (virgins verse 25). That would mean that they were those who, before they were Christians, were married and divorced and are presently single believers. We dealt with this group last week, and Paul said to them it was better for them to remain single, but that if God had not given them the gift of singleness, then they should remarry. Of course, they would need to remarry a born-again believer.
  • Vs. 10 “The married”: By process of elimination, Paul is addressing those marriages where both partners were born-again.

So what does God’s word have to say concerning divorce and remarriage where both are born-again believers? First, Paul says that what he has to say is not a “suggestion”; it is a “command” not just from him but also from Jesus. This word command as used here appears 30 times in the N.T. and, almost every time, the word is rendered command. What is it that the Lord commands believers in a marriage to not do?

  • “A wife is not to depart from her husband.” and “a husband is not to divorce his wife.”

What does that tell us? Well, it tells us what Jesus taught, that the marriage bond cannot be dissolved by the option of those involved in the covenant. No matter what our society says, a marriage of two believers cannot be annulled by the will of the man or woman. In Malachi 2:16, God told us that “He hates divorce.” Jesus, when questioned about divorce in Matt. 5 was asked by the Pharisees, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” To which Jesus replied, “a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate.” Thinking they had Jesus going against the Law, they said, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?” And Jesus explained to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.” Do you see that? God permits that which He hates! Why? Because of the hardness of our hearts, but it is not His design. Here is what we see. Marriage is not about what man has joined together, but rather about what God has joined together. Thus, marriage between believers is to be one man with one woman for life! It cannot be reduced to nothing, made of no effect or legally declared invalid by man! The only thing, according to Jesus, that breaks what God has joined together is adultery. And, even within this, it is not commanded that the spouse divorce the offending partner, but it is allowed for the hardness of your heart.

The Bible teaches that incompatibility, bad temper, cruelty, sickness, crime or anything else is not grounds for divorce when two believers are married. As I say these words, I am not ignorant of the ugliness of the sin nature (flesh) of people. I have witnessed it firsthand in my own life where I have been a self-centered jerk who only cares about what is due to me. In that state, I can treat my precious gift, God’s daughter, my sister in the Lord, with horrible cruelty. I have done enough marriage counseling to have seen the effects of those who refuse to surrender their lives to Jesus and abuse drugs and alcohol. I have seen husbands who ignore their wives except for the bedroom, and wives who constantly badger their husbands. Let me speak plainly to this issue. A Christian marriage that is being lived without each of the partners surrendered to the Lordship of Jesus is absolute misery! Yet with that said, divorce is still not Biblically permissible. Now look at what Paul says here to those who because of such affliction have so chosen to leave, “But even if she does depart.” It is clearly better for them to start dying to self, but if there is a situation where the woman is being beaten, there is alcohol or drug abuse, such hatred and bitterness that a spouse leaves, then they are given only two options:

  • “Let her remain unmarried”: If they have separated, then they are to be celibate for the rest of their life, unless the spouse dies. Then they would be free to remarry.
  • “Be reconciled to her husband”: If they want to be married, then they would need to be reconciled to their spouse.

What this statement does is point out to us the seriousness of marriage in the eyes of the Lord. The specifics of what have caused a believing spouse to separate from their believing mate are not given, nor is it recommended, it is left to the person. But the outcome of leaving is very much spelled out: remain unmarried or be reconciled. If they have gotten divorced and then remarried, then they have done so in direct violation of the word of God. As such, obviously two wrongs don’t make a right, but you ought to repent and confess such rebellion to both your new spouse as well as your former one! Again, my heart aches for such marriages where there is horrible turmoil, but divorce is not the answer. Dying to your self-centered life is. With very few exceptions, most marital problems that appear are a 50/50 proposition, and the only person we have the power to change in our marriage is ourselves. So even when a couple separates, or even divorces, the problems that caused the separation or divorce remain, as we were part of the problem. It is always a Lordship issue when marriages get out of shape. Who is Lord of your life, Jesus or yourself?

III. Vs. 12-16 Mixed Marriages

Vs. 12-13 Now we come to mixed marriages where one is a born-again believer and the other is not. The problem was they were married and then became a Christian, but the spouse was not, so they wanted to know if they should leave the non-believing mate. To this, Paul says, “As long as they are willing to live with you, then don’t try to leave!” As far as the Christian is concerned, they are to treat their non-believing spouse as if they were Jesus. Live out your faith. Don’t just speak about it. Peter addresses this with ladies who had become believers in 3:1 where he says to them to “be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives.” He then gives them the specifics by saying “let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.” If you have an unbelieving husband Christian wife, then live out your faith. Let them see Christ in you; let them see what they are missing by the way you treat them. Not that long ago, we had a lady come to Jesus here, and as soon as she prayed to receive the Lord, she asked me what she was to do with her husband, and I gave her the words of Peter. Well, bless her heart, she did just that and, about 2 months later, her husband who was not a Christian wanted to go to Church to see for himself. When I met him, his first words were, “I had to come to church to see what was going on here that could cause so much change in my wife!”

Vs. 14 The word “sanctified” does not refer to being saved but rather being set apart. In other words, Paul is saying that as you are living your life applying God’s word towards your spouse and your children, God may very well use that witness to touch their lives. Paul is telling the Corinthian believers involved in mixed marriages not to look for a way out but rather to look for a way IN! Is that not glorious? Pray for your unbelieving spouse and live a life surrendered to Jesus. Treat them just as if they were the Lord and watch the Lord work!

Vs. 15-16 Finally, Paul addresses those mixed marriages where the unbelieving spouse is not willing to stay in the relationship, even after you have lived the life treating them like they were Jesus. Let them depart! That is if the unbelieving spouse wants to leave because of your Christ-like witness, then you are not to hinder them. You are not to keep them from leaving. Why? Well, it is twofold:

  • We are called to peace: God does not win us by constraint but rather He woos us through grace and freedom. Now I remind you that this is dealing with the unbelieving spouse leaving, not the believing one. There is nothing more wonderful to be married to a person who has surrendered their life to the Lordship of Jesus and treats you as if you were Jesus. If an unbeliever doesn’t want to stay in that relationship, then let them go, which is even a further witness. Paul furthermore says that the believer is not under bondage in such a case. In other words, they are free to marry again, if God has not given them the gift of singleness.
  • We don’t know whether we will be used to save our unbelieving spouse: Yes, it is true that God can, and often does, use the witness of the believing spouse to win the non-believing spouse to the Lord, but He doesn’t always. So, the point Paul makes is if you have so lived a surrendered life to the Lord treating your spouse as you would Jesus and they have left you, then perhaps the reality of living a life apart from such a person living in obedience to Jesus will bring them to the reality that they need the Lord.

As we close, we need to be honest and repentant, as far as it concerns our marriages. We need to stop living self-centered lives and start living lives surrendered to Jesus. If all of us committed to practicing God’s word in our lives for us, apart from our spouse doing anything, then 50% of our marriage problems would automatically change! Hear now Jesus’ words in John 13:34-35, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

1 Corinthians 7:17-24 “A Change of Heart”

I. Intro

Paul has given us biblical guidelines dealing with marriage and divorce. Yet, when we come to these verses of 17-24, he speaks of circumcision versus uncircumcision, of slavery versus being a free man. What is not immediately apparent is the connection between married and unmarried, Jews and Greeks, slaves and freedmen. What is the common denominator in these two sections? The illustrations of verses 17-24 are put alongside marriage as it deals with changing one’s circumstances. Thus, Paul speaks of changing inwardly and not outward circumstances.

Let me ask you a question, and I want you to write your answer down. “If you could only change one thing in your life, what do you think would make the biggest difference to you?” Many of you perhaps wrote education, career, or income. Some wrote down marriage or family. All of those are good, and I believe that changing some of these things perhaps would make some changes in your life. But the greatest change that can occur in your life is not outside but rather inside. The thing that will make the greatest impact on you and those around you is not an outward change. It is rather an inward change. You see, we often think that if those things around me, outside of my control, would change, then I would be happy and at peace. What I’m about to say will blow your mind: the thing that will make the greatest difference in your life right now is a change in you! Paul is going to illustrate that with two very difficult circumstances that the believers in Corinth wanted to change.

II. Vs. 17-19 What Matters

Vs. 17 The connection between verse 16 and verse 17 is not that easy to grasp, as Paul had been speaking to those Christians in mixed marriages about living in their marriages as unto the Lord. To the one, he said if your unbelieving spouse is willing to live with you, then don’t you try to get out of the marriage. Then in his next breath, he gave the opposite scenario. If the unbelieving spouse wants to leave and divorce, don’t contest it. To those statements, Paul now adds, “But as God has distributed to each one, as the Lord has called each one, so let him walk. And so I ordain in all the churches.” The context becomes clearer, based upon the illustration in verse 18 between circumcision and uncircumcision. Still not sure? Paul gives two areas that the Corinthian church faced that were equally as difficult to live under as a mixed or bad marriage:

  • Vs. 18-19 Circumcision and uncircumcision: This was the issue that dealt with whether, when you got saved, you were a gentile or a Jew.
  • Vs. 21-24 Slave or free: This dealt with the issue of ownership in the lives of those who got saved.

You see, people think if they can change their particular situation, then everything would be better. Paul is dealing with “The grass is always greener” syndrome! It is part of our nature to want to:

  • Change our circumstances
  • Change our society
  • Change other people

But the primary purpose of the Word of God is to change us! “As God has distributed to each one, as the Lord has called each one, so let him walk.” Paul is not anti-change. He is simply saying that where you may find yourself is designed to change you inwardly. As I said before, stop trying to get out of your situation and start getting everything out of your situation! We often say, “I need a change!” Instead, we need to say, “I need to change!” Here is what God would have you know about your present circumstance:

  • “God has distributed”: The word “distributed” is rendered elsewhere as “divided”. In other words, God has given or “divided” to each one of us the life we now have with its present circumstances. The radical nature of the gospel is to be found not in what it does to our outside circumstances but rather in what it does to our inside in spite of our outside. I think of two-part epoxy glue in which you need to combine the two parts to make it work. We often think that our happiness, our peace, is tied to the combining of two or more things. But the cool thing is that God works to change us inwardly and most often He uses the things we want changed on the outside to change our inside! Still don’t get it? Well, think of it this way, the most difficult and at times impossible things to change in our lives are the things outside of our control, right? Well, God has simplified the process as far as joy and peace are concerned. You need not try to change those things; instead, you can allow them through the word of God and the Spirit of God to change you!
  • “The Lord has called”: The point is that at the time of your salvation, whatever your situation, the Lord’s work in saving was not altered or hindered in making the single greatest change in your life from “dead in our sins” to “alive in Christ”. God did not have to change the circumstances in order to save you, did He? The gospel did not come in and change everything around us. No, instead, it changed us in spite of everything around us. The gospel is like laser surgery. It goes right after the infected area without touching everything else. I love to hear people’s testimonies of how they became Christians. They are all so very different as far as circumstances are concerned, yet the changed life is always the same.
  • “So let him walk”: The “him” here is you and I. So here is how it works. God saved us in the midst of circumstances. He came right through all those barriers and changed us. Yeah, well now we walk as changed people in the midst of those same circumstances. You see the radical nature of Christianity is not to be found in how it changes our circumstances, but rather in how it changes us in our circumstances. In other words, the world is changed through personal regeneration and not situational revolution! I think of the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego who were saved walking in the midst of the fire and were not hurt because the Son of God was with them. They were saved through the fire, not out of the fire. And interestingly enough, that was the testimony that spoke to the unbeliever Nebuchadnezzar.

We want the situation to change so that we will be happy or at peace, but what God does is far better as He saves us through the situation. I hope this is making sense to you because if it does, it will change how you view life!

Vs. 18 Paul here uses a very real situation that many of the Corinthian believers faced, that prior to becoming a Christian, they were either Jew (circumcised) or gentile (uncircumcised). Now God called them in the state they were in and many of the Jews, after becoming believers, tried to deny their Jewishness. There was actually a medical procedure in ancient literature that tried to change that by making a physical change. In fact, the word used to describe that medical procedure is the same word used by Paul here for “uncircumcised”.

Likewise, many of the gentile believers were trying to become Jewish by getting circumcised and, in fact, there was quite a lot of pressure put on them by their fellow Jewish brothers to do so, saying that they needed to become Jews first before they could become a Christian.

How does this relate to marriage or change in general? Well, it is obvious that many of the Corinthian believers were trying to change by changing their “physical” circumstances. I find that true with us as well. Admittedly, we are not trying to change physically like these Corinthian believers were, but we do so in other ways. I think many of us see the bulk of our problems as dealing with the need for a “physical” change. “If such and such would just change, then all my problems would dissolve!” “If I just wasn’t married or married to another person, then all of my problems would be fixed.” Or for those who are single, “If I was just married, then all of my problems would be fixed!” We think like this in terms of our finances and where we live and work as well, don’t we? We are often trying to see some physical change occur to make us feel better, but it is at best only temporary. You go out and buy a new car, and it makes you feel better for a month or so. You wash it daily and can’t wait to get in it and drive. But after a few months, it never gets washed or cared for at all. People think about that in terms of marriage as well, don’t they? They meet some person who makes them feel a certain way; they meet their needs, so they get married. Then they find out that the person doesn’t always meet their needs, and they get upset.

Vs. 19 So what’s the answer? Well, Paul says two things in regards to banking upon physical change as the answer to peace and happiness:

  • “Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing”: Neither of these physical-altering things will have any lasting change on the human heart. The change of physical did not make any difference as far as personal peace or happiness. Instead, Paul would later say to the Romans (2:28-29); “he is not a Jew who is one outwardly, nor is circumcision that which is outward in the flesh; but he is a Jew who is one inwardly; and circumcision is that of the heart, in the Spirit, not in the letter; whose praise is not from men but from God.” It is a change of heart that matters, not a change in the physical realm.
  • “But keeping the commandments of God is what matters”: So what do I change? I obey the Word of God in my life; that is what changes me! Obeying God’s Word is the only thing that will produce lasting change in my life. What is cool is that it does not matter if my spouse changes or not, I will see more peace and joy in my life by simply allowing the Spirit of God working through the Word of God to change me. Only my own sin can keep me from obeying and serving the Lord. There exists no circumstance, situation, or person that can keep me from obeying the Word of God and serving the Lord except ME!

Paul has just saved you and me endless years of turmoil by saying, “Hey, you don’t need a physical change; all you need is to allow God’s Word by His Spirit to change your heart!” How do I know that obeying the Word of God in my life will work? Well, if it doesn’t work, then it didn’t work as far as saving you either! No, obeying the Word of God in my life saved me, but it can’t change me! That’s foolish to think that way, isn’t it? Christian, listen to me, “Change will occur for you when you get beyond the place where you can’t stand your situation to where you just can’t stand YOU!” I’m so sick of Dale; I just don’t want to be like him any longer. It is often those situations that bring it to light to me as well. What would happen if you had a car that only ran well from Noon to 3:00 P.M. every day? Would you try to change your physical life around only driving your car from Noon to 3:00? Would you just resolve to walk and forget driving altogether? Would you sell the car? Why not repair the car? What needs to change is the car, not the circumstances. You drive the car. Christian, you’re the car. Allow the Lord to change you!

III. Vs. 20-24 Free to Be Christ’s Slave

Vs. 20 Paul repeats the phrase of verse 17 about not trying to alter your circumstances. This time, though, instead of the physical changes we try to make, he is going to use another way we Christians try to change things instead of changing ourselves.

Vs. 21-22 This time, Paul speaks to the very real issue that many of them faced and that was slavery. He is not speaking as to the evils of slavery here. What he is saying is from the position of a slave that, even in that very terrible social condition, Jesus can and did still save those who were slaves. It would be very easy for us to think of wanting to be free if we were slaves. It is very emotional, isn’t it? Someone else owned these Christians. They were told where they had to live, what they had to do and even who they could marry. Paul is not for slavery. In fact, if you could purchase your freedom, then he would recommend that. His point is that the emotional state of bondage did not hinder the Lord’s work in your life. Here is where Paul is going; there are a great many Christians who want freedom from the emotional slavery of their situation. So they spend all their time trying to plug in different things to liberate them from their unhappiness. But they don’t realize that what holds them captive are not the circumstances but rather their reaction to them! I have so enjoyed reading the story of Joseph because through 20 years of bondage he lived as a freeman! The key was the presence of the Lord in his life.

Look at verse 22. If you were called while you were a slave, then the Lord has made you free in the heart. But if you were free when the Lord called you, then you are to realize that it is not about you, it is all about Him! You see, Christian, liberation is from the inside out and not from the outside in. What that means is that the key lies in my recognition that nothing can separate me from the love of God.

Vs. 23-24 Finally, Paul offers two things that will help you into a place of peace and joy in spite of your present circumstances:

  • “You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men”: The first truth Paul gives us is that the moment we received Christ there was a change in ownership. The purchase price was the blood of Jesus, therefore, we need not be caught up into thinking that what we need is some sort of outward change. Since Christ’s blood changed us spiritually from dead to alive, we can now trust this same blood to transform us. Paul would further elaborate on this in 2 Cor 3 when he wrote saying that we, “behold as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, and are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, by the Spirit of the Lord.” Change is only possible through Jesus; man, does that solve a lot of my problems.
  • “Brethren, let each one remain with God in that state in which he was called”: The second part of this is a “how to” in handling those circumstances that we seek to try to change. The answer is “remain with God in that state”. The key to change is remaining in constant fellowship with the Lord while you allow Him to change your heart.

It is my sincere prayer that each of us will desire to have the Lord change us above and beyond our present circumstances. Christian, when that begins to take place, the peace you once had in the Lord, the joy you daily experienced, will return, and your change will change the world!

1 Corinthians 7:25-31 “Living Happily Ever After”

I. Intro

Paul has answered the Corinthian believers’ questions concerning sex in marriage, the rights and wrongs of divorce and remarriage. Then last week, he dealt in detail with what to do personally if you find yourself in a difficult marriage. It can be summed up very easily. “You need TO change” not “A” change. Now we come to this section where Paul deals with the advantages and disadvantages of single life.

One author described marriage as, “The pressing together of two people who are still two separate personalities, two distinct people who each have their own likes and dislikes, their own emotions, temperaments, and wills.” He went on to say, “Each partner in marriage will have bouts with anger, selfishness, dishonesty, pride, forgetfulness, and thoughtlessness. This will be true in the best of marriages, but, when one or both are acting in the flesh being immature, self-centered, temperamental, then every conflict will become even more magnified.” Upon hearing Jesus’ words concerning marriage for life, the disciples responded in Matthew 19:10 with, “If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” I’m afraid that people spend far more time praying over which car they ought to purchase and where they ought to live than with whom they will spend the rest of their lives. Just about every love story between two people ends with the words “And they lived happily ever after”, but I have found that to make my marriage “happy” I can’t be living selfishly at all! Interestingly enough, today many people feel that marriage holds all the keys to their self-fulfillment. In fact, their search is centered on someone meeting their needs. If you want someone just to meet your needs for attention and companionship, to be at your beck and call when you want but not around when you don’t, what you need is not a human—you need a dog! So, in this section, we are going to look at reasons for and against marriage.

II. Vs. 25-28 Seek Not

Vs. 25 Paul’s words here set the context for what he has to say in the remainder of this chapter dealing with pros and cons for marriage. He lets his readers know two things right up front:

  • What he is going to speak on deals with “virgins”. Now remember those three classifications of single people, “widowed, divorced and never been married”. In each of these three types of single Christian people, no matter which category of single people they are, all are called now to a celibate life. You cannot, based upon the obedience to the Bible, be a single born-again believer who is not married but still enjoying a sexual relationship with someone. If a person is doing this and says that they are not married, then what they are is out of fellowship with the Lord who paid for their soul with His own blood!
  • The second thing he lets them in on concerns his authority over what he is about to say. The phrase, “I have no commandment from the Lord; yet I give judgment as one whom the Lord in His mercy has made trustworthy,” has led some to think that Paul is just giving an opinion and, therefore, it is something that we need not pay attention to. Yet clearly, that is not the context as he says, “I give judgment as one whom the Lord in His mercy has made trustworthy”. As well, in verse 40 he says, “I also have the Spirit of God.” So why does he add these words? Well, it is because he is not dealing with a moral issue such as sexual immorality. You see, it is not against God’s word for a person to be married, nor is it against the Bible to remain single. Both of these are based upon God’s calling upon your life. So what he offers are biblical guidelines to help clarify whether or not you are called to be married.

Vs. 26-28 Look carefully at this section with me as a whole, and you will notice that verse 27 is the key to understanding the verse that precedes it, as well as the one that follows it. Twice in that verse, the phrase, “do not seek” is repeated, and Paul puts with those words the two possibilities: being in either singleness or marriage. Simply put, if you are single, you ought not to seek to be married. And if you are married, you ought not to seek to be single. Clear enough! What I appreciate about this phrase is that being married or being single is not something we are to seek. Rather, it is a calling or a gifting given us by God. But just what would cause him to say that in the first place? Well now, look at verse 26 and the words “present distress” and then at verse 28 and the word “trouble”. Before we look at these two things, let’s discover what they have in common.

  • First, both of these things would and do fall under the heading of “CRISES,” don’t they?
  • Secondly, both distress and trouble cause us to have “STRESS”.

So it appears that Paul is making a general observation that being single during a time of crisis will be less stressful. Don’t get me wrong. There are advantages to being married during a crisis as well. As a matter of fact, I can think of three:

  • Companionship: When you are married and you are facing a crisis, then you are not facing it alone, and that can be a very helpful thing.
  • Comfort: When you are facing a crisis that causes you stress, it is great to have someone on your side to offer you comfort.
  • Care: Finally, when you are facing a crisis that causes you stress, you have someone there that cares enough for you to tell you the truth.

Now Paul gives us two separate crises that cause us stress:

  • Vs. 26 “Present distress”: Commentators disagree on just what this was in Corinth. Some say it was a local persecution. Others say since this was written 10 years before the fall of Jerusalem, it had to do with an increase of trials throughout the Roman Empire. Others put this “present distress” as the troubles within the church in Corinth which was having divisions. I’m afraid that what each of the commentators fails to realize is that:
    • Paul does not specify what it is specifically; thus, it was perhaps several things.
    • That it was “present,” something that they were going through at that moment, and, thus, could very well be something different next week or next year.
    • Finally, the word “distress” means calamity; in other words, what they were facing was outside of them but still affecting them.
    A lot of things could fit in that category, couldn’t they? I mean a loss of job, a world war, a car accident, a death of a loved one. So Paul’s statement is that during times and seasons when several things seem to be hitting you all at once, it is good to be single. Now before you all get mad at me, you need to recognize that Paul is not giving a comparison of right and wrong during crises but rather good and better. I can see three ways in which it would be easier to be single during a present crisis from the outside:
    • More flexible: When all you have to do is deal with whatever it is from your perspective and not anyone else’s, then you can be more flexible. For instance, your company wants you to move to the Orient for a year and a half. If it is just you, that is really a lot less stress than having to either leave your family or relocate them.
    • More adaptable: Not only are you more flexible to outside situations that cause stress, you are also more adaptable once you’re in them. Again, it is a lot less stressful for one person to adapt to a crisis than it is for a whole family.
    • Less responsible: If you are single and in a crisis, the only person you are responsible for is you and that is a lot easier than a whole family.
  • Vs. 28 “Trouble”: Clearly this “trouble” that Paul speaks of is different from the present distress above. How do we know? Well, look at where this trouble is “in the flesh”. The point is that it is hard enough to have just one sinner to live with himself let alone live with another sinner. When the fleshly nature is multiplied, the opportunity for trouble doubles and living closely with any individual for any length of time will enable you to see more of them than you bargained for and they you. People that don’t spend much time with you only see what you want them to see, but people who see you all the time see what you really are. Marriage involves conflicts, demands, hardship, and self-sacrifice adjustments that being single doesn’t. I mean if you are living by yourself and you want to watch a ball game and “The Sound of Music” comes on another channel, no problem. Where you go, what you do, all of those things are no trouble. The truth of the matter is a lot of single people think that getting married will solve the problems of lust or other things, but the truth is it doesn’t. Marriage is a gift, but it is not a cure-all any more than being single is. They both have advantages and disadvantages; that is why you are not to “seek” either.

So Paul says if you are married don’t try to live as if you were single, and if you are single don’t wish you were married. Then in verse 28 he says, if you do marry, you have not sinned. Notice that he lists those that marry and then the virgin, so that means the widower and the person divorced prior to becoming a Christian as well as the person who has never been married. You see, there was a push at that time that said singleness was more blessed than being married, but Paul clearly says that it is not immoral to marry. What a full circle we have come, as now there is such a push to get married.

1 Corinthians 7:29-40 “Living Happily Ever After Part B”

I. Intro

Last week, we began looking at some of the advantages of the single life as compared with married life. Paul was clear that he was not speaking in terms of right and wrong but rather “good and better.” In verses 25-28, he stressed several things:

  • Vs. 27 Do not seek: Marriage or being single is not something that a Christian should seek after; rather, it is something they are called to, so seek the Lord for His will in your life.
  • Vs. 26 Present distress: Married life, by the sure fact that there are two people, will compound life’s trials. Yes, there are advantages to being married while going through difficult times such as “companionship, comfort, and care,” but these are not guaranteed to be granted to you just because you are married, even in a relationship that honors the Lord. However, you will be guaranteed “more flexibility, greater adaptability, and far less responsibility” through trials that you will face in life if you remain single. So if you are single and you think you want to be married, then Paul points this out so you can consider this before you get married.
  • Vs. 28 Trouble in the flesh: The other thing that married life brings that single life doesn’t face is two distinct people with separate personalities, each having their own likes and dislikes, emotions, temperaments, and wills, who at times will have bouts with anger, selfishness, dishonesty, pride, forgetfulness, and thoughtlessness. For two people to live happily ever after will take a complete commitment from two people who will remember that it is “THEY lived happily ever after” and not “I” lived happily ever after. There may be an “I” in the spelling of marriage, but there can’t be any “I” if you want to live happily!

Paul moves on to offer two more advantages to being single as well as two disadvantages.

II. Vs. 29-31 Time Is Short

Vs. 29-31 The key to understanding this section is to be found in two phrases:

  • Vs. 29 “Time is short”: The word here refers to a fixed period of time, and Paul says that this fixed period of time is short. Some think that Paul is referring to the rapture of the Church and the second coming of Jesus. And as such, his admonishment is that we all ought to be living as if Jesus will return for us today. Others see this as speaking of human life in general inasmuch as life is just a vapor; it is here today, then gone. In other words, you ought to make the best of every opportunity that your new life in Christ has granted you for eternity. Personally, I don’t see much difference between the two, as the outcome is the same. We ought to be living as if tomorrow is our last day here on earth, then we get to go on to an everlasting vacation! I mean, when folks used to live 600 to 900 years, you could well afford to take a few years for a lunch break, but we can’t now, can we?
  • Vs. 31 “The form of this world is passing away”: The word “form” here means fashion or manner, the way of doing life on this planet is passing away. This life, and what it takes to live in this life, is temporal. We forget that, don’t we? I mean, life can be, and often is, such a struggle in which we get so caught up that we forget that it is all passing away.

So what does the shortness of life and the way we do life have to do with singleness and marriage? Well, life is one big huge distraction, and the more people you have living it together, the more distracting it becomes. As a parent, I can’t help it. I worry about my kids even though they are adults now. So Paul gives us four areas that are distractions in this life. Before I give these, none of them are evil or sinful, but nonetheless, they can still be distractions.

  • Vs. 29 Purpose: Paul is not advocating that a person live a self-centered life and not care about their spouse. How do we know? Well, look at verse 33: “he who is married cares about the things of the world; how he may please his wife.” You see, when you are married, your responsibility is to please your spouse and not yourself. Yet with that said, marriage is not to lessen our responsibilities to serve the Lord. I’m not less obligated to serve the Lord because I’m married, but it is difficult to balance my priorities between serving my wife and serving the Lord. In my earlier days, I was still trying to carve out time to “please me,” but it was always at the expense of serving my wife or the Lord! The center of my life is not my marriage. It is the Lord, and since that is true, my marriage has lasted 33 years. Again, Paul is not suggesting that we neglect our responsibilities; rather, we should put them into perspective of the greater responsibility of serving the Lord. Don’t let your marriage be the main purpose of living, because if it is, then it has become the wrong priority.
  • Vs. 30a Passion: Next, Paul speaks of weeping and rejoicing. I think these two things deal with what our passion is. Since time is short and the way of doing life is passing away, make sure that your passions are the Lord’s passions. Emotions are God-given, but at the same time, we ought not to let them rule our lives—time’s short! The things that we love ought to be the same things that God loves. But more than that, they ought not to be just pure emotional responses but rather an act of our will in obedience to His calling.
  • Vs. 30b Possessions: The form of this world is passing, and Paul is saying that possessions can be a huge distraction for us. You will never see a hearse pulling a U-haul. My pastor used to have a saying, “People are important, things are not!” Boy, could I have forgone many a heartache if I’d applied that truth.
  • Vs. 31 Pleasure: Interesting that Paul says here, “those who use this world as not misusing it.” I think Paul is referring to life and the joy of living it. Pleasure is God-given, but it ought not to dictate our lives. Our society has become extremely hedonistic, as everything centers on the pursuit of pleasure. This can become a distraction which will keep us from the bigger picture of eternity.

God has given each one of us life as His children. Yes, it is ours to enjoy but not to waste away on ourselves. Paul’s counsel is for us all to realize that we ought not to allow anything to distract us from our purpose, which is to serve the Lord.

III. Vs. 32-35 Different Cares

Vs. 32 Five times in four verses Paul uses the word “care” to describe another advantage of the single life. The word is rendered “worry, anxious or concern” elsewhere. Paul is going to speak to the truth that marriage carries with it a natural concern for your spouse that being single does not have to face.

It is defined this way: “He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord; how he may please the Lord.” Their primary concern and care should be “how they may please the Lord.” That is not to say that the married Christian is not concerned about how they may please the Lord because they are, but they have a divided interest. In my early Christian life, I was concerned with this as I faced a growing burden to follow the Lord into ministry. So I approached my pastor with this, and his counsel was that when married, the Lord does not call just the husband or just the wife but both. Furthermore, he told me that where I was in that call was where my wife was and that I needed to win the right to serve by first serving her. It was great counsel. As I pastored my wife, she released me to serve the Lord more fully! However, if you were single, those would not be concerns. It does concern me to see very few single people, having no other relational distractions but to serve the Lord, not take advantage of it.

So that Paul will not be misunderstood, he uses all the different types of single people in the body of Christ: “unmarried = divorced, virgin, never been married, then in verse 39 the widowed.” So it does not matter how you have become single, just serve the Lord!

Vs. 33-34 This text has something for single folks to consider, but it speaks to those of us who are married as well:

  • To the married: Paul reveals something that I’m afraid we often forget, “he who is married cares about the things of the world; how he may please his wife.” And “she who is married cares about the things of the world; how she may please her husband.” What is the primary purpose in your relationship with your spouse apart from serving the Lord? Well, it is to “please your wife or to please your husband.” It is not to be pleased but rather to please. If only we Christian couples would apply this principle, we would have far less strife in our marriages. Jesus gave the disciples the same principle in Matt. 20:28 when He said, “the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” Paul is saying that because this is true, we married Christians are at a disadvantage as to our pleasing the Lord in that we are pleasing the Lord through our pleasing our spouses. I can tell you right now that most of the complaints I hear from Christian married people are rooted in “self-centeredness.” The word “please” means “to be agreeable to”; our main concern apart from our walk with Christ is to ask, “How can I be agreeable to my spouse?”
  • To the unmarried: The single Christian, they have fewer family demands and God-given obligations to please their spouse, and, as such, can be more devoted to serving the Lord. The word “holy” is the word that means set apart, and so Paul says that the Christian single can be more set apart from the married Christian in body and in spirit.

Vs. 35 Just in case someone would misunderstand Paul’s point, he adds the phrase, “I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction.” Paul’s words are not to put a restraint upon them to remain single. He is just pointing out things to consider. Notice as well he says it is for “their profit.” He is not pushing some agenda. He is simply trying to tell them that they would be able to serve the Lord with less distraction if they were single instead of married.

IV. Vs. 36-40 Remaining as You Are

There are also two things every single person will have to face that a married believer won’t:

Sexual pressure: Paul uses two phrases here that speak to the issue that single folks have to deal with:

  • “He who stands steadfast in his heart, having no necessity”
  • “Has power over his own will, and has so determined in his heart that he will keep his virgin, does well.”

In both of these verses, what is implied is the pressure a single person faces with their own natural sex drives. Paul lists two things here that every single person needs to have in order to handle their libidos:

  1. “Stands steadfast in his heart”: If you are going to handle the temptations of sex, you are going to have to be standing steadfast in your heart. I like the fact that Paul says that it takes a person standing steadfast in his heart. You get it? When a person is standing, they are ready, alert. When they are steadfast, they are immovable. They are not going anywhere. Finally, all this takes place in the heart of a person.
  2. “Power over his own will”: That takes determination and discipline to not go places in their minds that will enslave them.

Yet with that said, it is still going to be an ongoing battle.

Vs. 36-38 There are two possibilities as to the meaning of these verses:

  1. The man behaving towards his virgin: Refers to the custom of the father determining if his daughter was to marry or whom they would marry if they did. This was common in those days and, apparently, some of the fathers became saved and vowed that their daughters were to remain single and serve the Lord. Under this interpretation, the father had made a vow, and then his daughter got beyond the “flower of her youth” and began to desire to get married. So apparently, they were asking Paul if it was okay for the father to break his vow and let his daughter get married. To this Paul adds:
    • It’s okay for him to let her get married if she is insistent (necessity).
    • But if she has power over her own heart and wants to remain a virgin, that’s better (verse 38).
  2. The second possibility is that Paul is speaking to a fellow that is betrothed to a woman who was a legal contract and wants to know if he should go ahead and get married. Again, the same things apply. If the lady wants to go ahead and get married, then do so, but if not, that’s better.

Personally, I’m not sure which one of these is the right interpretation, and I don’t think it matters much as the principle is the same.

Vs. 39-40 Paul next lists the second pressure that some singles will face if they choose to remain single:

Emotional pressure: Here the case is that of a widower or a divorced person and the emotional pressure they face since they have at one time been married. So Paul lists some guidelines:

  • “A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives”: Marriage is permanent here in this life. Some, even if you are lonely and miss companionship, realize that if you marry as a Christian, it is permanent again. There is no trial marriage; none of this cavalier attitude that says, “Hey, if it doesn’t work, we can always get a divorce!” Some have made much out of the phrase “if her husband dies,” saying that Paul is speaking of the death of a marriage rather than the death of a man, but I don’t see it.
  • “She is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord”: Secondly, Paul says that a widowed person is free to remarry with only one restriction, “only in the Lord”! They are not free to marry the first person that comes along but rather they are to seek a person who shares their love and commitment to serve the Lord.

Finally, Paul again says that the person needs to weigh their options well before getting married and seek the Lord concerning what He may be calling them to. So there you have it: things to consider and pray about concerning marriage and single life as a believer.