2 Corinthians 7:2-16
“Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word”
I. Intro.
Paul’s appeal is for personal reconciliation with the Corinthians, reminding them that, regardless of what some have claimed, he has “wronged no one, corrupted no one, and cheated no one.” I think Bernie Taupin had it right in the lyrics sung by Elton John: “Sorry seems to be the hardest word.” We all hurt people by our actions and words. Oh, we may attempt to justify it by saying that they hurt us first, but the truth is that we know that has not always been the case, has it? Repentance means a change of mind, a change of attitude, and like Elton sang, it “seems to be the hardest word.” Here in this passage is a study on how to get people to say they’re sorry so that they can heal and be restored.
II. Vs. 2-4 How to Get People to Say They’re Sorry
Vs. 2-4: These first three verses give us the “right way to bring about repentance in others.” Paul had gone to Corinth to try to clear things up, but that had made matters worse. Then he sent Titus there to see if that would help, and while Titus was gone, Paul became so disturbed that he started out toward Corinth, leaving a great opportunity for ministry in Macedonia. Somewhere along the way, Paul met up with Titus, who gave him the good news that they had changed their minds and hearts towards him. There were still some things they needed to work out, hence this letter. The first thing to notice is what Paul doesn’t do to get them to repent. He doesn’t attack them, condemn them, or accuse them. Instead, he does three things to bring these Corinthians to repentance:
- Vs. 2: Paul starts with himself: He assessed the situation, had the Holy Spirit examine his heart, and declared to them that, with regards to his dealings with them, he had a clear conscience. He had no doubt heard all the rumors and accusations made about him and stated that before the Lord, he had done none of these things. We can’t always do that, can we? Sometimes we have done things that have caused broken relationships, but the point Paul is making is the same one Jesus made in Matthew 7:5, where He said, “First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” If you want to lead someone to make a change, start with yourself first!
- Vs. 3: When he addresses them, he affirms them: “I do not say this to condemn you.” It is clear that Paul’s words were to bring about repentance, not condemnation, but such a result is a fine line. Oftentimes when we try to get someone to admit they have done something hurtful, we start out with harsh words ourselves. We rip into them, using words like “always” and “never” as we address the truth of their hurtful ways. To be frank, we are often more interested in getting even than we are in getting them right! What we say may be true, but if it lacks love, it is brutality! Confrontation without affirmation will not bring about transformation! If a person is treated that way, they will become defensive. Paul is very careful to say, “It doesn’t make any difference if we live or die, I’ll always love you.” “I’m going to be for you and support you. I’m not going to abandon you or write you off.”
- Vs. 4: Paul communicates that he is confident they will do the right thing: He had heard from Titus of some attitudes that had already changed, and he acknowledges this even though they haven’t gotten all their ducks in a row. Friends, that is so important when people are making some changes that we start with what they are doing right instead of just mentioning what they are doing wrong. If all we do is speak of what remains to do, they will think you haven’t noticed that they have already made some changes. Be their “cheerleader,” not their “executioner”! Folks are much more receptive to change when they see us noticing their progress instead of reminding them how far they have to go.
III. Vs. 5-10 Two Types of Sorrow
Vs. 5-7: Paul goes on to show them how he understood the need to be comforted and that repentance is the quickest way to get there. He says he was, “troubled on every side. Outside were conflicts, inside were fears.” Paul says in verse 6 that if you ever go through seasons like this, remember that “God comforts the downcast!” The believer sees that God has allowed such things, and because we know that He cannot do wrong and is always loving towards us, we know what Paul said in Romans 8:28: “that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” As Paul already wrote in 2 Corinthians 4:17, “For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.”
Vs. 8-10: This is a reference to Paul’s earlier, more “severe letter.” In it, Paul was straightforward and to the point. He knew it would hurt them when he wrote it, and he says that when he sent it, he was stressed by that fact (2:4). He confesses that he regretted sending it at first because he knew it would hurt, but that he doesn’t regret it now because of what it produced. Sometimes being hurt is the only way we can learn the truth. Oftentimes the person we are afraid to hurt is none other than ourselves, as we don’t want them to be mad at us or not like us. If you are willing to risk their friendship in order to tell them the truth, you must really love them.
Next, Paul brings out two reactions people will have: either “godly sorrow” or “worldly sorrow.” Godly sorrow is the pain of becoming aware of something about yourself that was hidden prior, and Paul says this leads to repentance. You may be defensive and argue, but deep inside you know it is true. It makes you change and alter your behavior. Let’s make sure we understand that repentance isn’t “feeling sorry”—that may be a hurt feeling, but if it is the right hurt, it will lead to a change of action. Isaiah put it this way in 55:7, saying, “Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, and He will have mercy on him; and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon.” The salvation Paul is referring to here is the freedom from self. The result of worldly sorrow is hurt but no permanent change. There may be a temporary change until the ruckus dies down, but no sense of being wrong.
IV. Vs. 11-16 Godly Sorrow Versus Worldly Sorrow
Vs. 11-13: There are three clear-cut indications of whether your hurt is godly sorrow or worldly sorrow, beyond the obvious lasting change in behavior:
- Vs. 11a “What clearing of yourself”: How free are we to face the problem? If we have godly sorrow, there will be an eagerness to be completely clear of all of it. A willingness to deal with all the wrong and not just admit it reluctantly and move on. Often when people are hurt, they will admit they are wrong but then say, “Let’s drop it, I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” A person who has godly sorrow has dealt with this and isn’t afraid of it any more.
- Vs. 11b “What indignation, what fear”: This indicates that there will be anger over our own stupidity and failure. Listen to the psalmist in Psalm 73:21-22, where he says, “Thus my heart was grieved, and I was vexed in my mind. I was so foolish and ignorant; I was like a beast before You.”
- Vs. 11c “You prove yourselves to be clear in this matter”: Finally, there will be a resolve to be more careful in the future. We won’t want to do this again, and the “scar” will cause us to change our behavior next time.
In contrast, those who have worldly sorrow are unwilling to face the whole matter. They are the people who want you to drop it, and if you do not forgive them, they get upset and angry. This shows a worldly sorrow that has no repentance in it.
Vs. 12-13: There are four things that happen when there is godly sorrow that leads to repentance:
- Vs. 12: A renewed awareness of our relationship in Christ: Paul says, “The real reason I wrote was not to straighten out this problem.” The reason they had gotten into this was that they had forgotten who they were in Christ. When we repent, the first thing we recover is a sense of our own Christlike identity.
- Vs. 13-14: A reestablished confidence: All the positive things Paul had felt and communicated to Titus about them were proven by their action. That is one of the joyful things about repentance—it reestablishes lost confidence in people who have lost it.
- Vs. 15: An awakened respect: Titus was impressed by the Corinthians’ change of heart. The godliness of a person goes up in my eyes when they can publicly say, “You’re right, and I was wrong.” Instead of fighting back and getting defensive, they acknowledge the truth and change their behavior.
- Vs. 16: Increased joy: In the end, when repentance takes place, it increases everybody’s joy. That’s the purpose for the Holy Spirit working in these situations.
Godly sorrow that leads to repentance is a sorrow that leads to a change of purpose, intention, and action. The sorrow of the world is a sense of remorse and failure, a sense of defeat, but this sorrow leads to despair and unbelief.