David, “Faulty Forgiveness”
2 Samuel 14:1-33
Vs. 1-24 Mercy apart from justice
Vs. 25-33 Forgiveness apart from repentance
Intro
Back in the 12th chapter, I commented that quite often people want “the kind of forgiveness from the Lord that simply overlooks our sins but allows us to continue in it without any consequences from our actions. We need not look any further by way of illustration than David’s son Absalom, who wants mercy apart from justice and forgiveness without true repentance. Although this is the type of mercy and forgiveness the world has come to expect, it is not the kind that God offers, and we can see why in the actions of Absalom. Simply put, the distribution of mercy without satisfying the demands of justice is not true mercy. You see, mercy is defined by “not getting what you deserve,” but if the demands of justice are not satisfied, then you may not be getting what you deserved, but the victim is “getting what they don’t deserve.” And this type of mercy, apart from justice, serves neither, as it punishes the victim and teaches the perpetrator that there is no cost in wickedness.
The challenge in biblical mercy is: how can mercy be distributed to the guilty while satisfying the demands of justice? Well, we are told in Rom. 3:24–26 that He “justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him (Jesus) as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished; he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus.” Here in this section we shall see what mercy and forgiveness look like apart from justice and repentance!
Mercy apart from justice
Vs. 1-3 Over a few years, David must have shown by his actions the effects of the estranged relationship with Absalom, as he is not able to condone or condemn. So he is torn between what to do. Perhaps he was visibly grieving for Tamar, Amnon, and being separate from Absalom, so Joab decided to take matters into his own hands to bring about reconciliation. The chip hadn’t fallen too far from the post, as neither David nor his son Absalom wanted to take the initiative to humble themselves and get their relationship right with each other.
Joshua perceived what David’s heart was toward Absalom, but he also knew that David was not open to reconciliation with his son, so he had to come up with an idea that would accomplish this. Part of the reason for Joab’s involvement might be explained by the fact that David is pushing 60 by now, and with Amnon dead and Absalom in exile, who would reign if David died? Joab thought, “Hey, I know that parable thing that Nathan used seemed to work pretty well,” so he sent it to Tekoa, and he fetched from there a wise woman slash actress. Tekoa is about five miles from Bethlehem (12 miles from Jerusalem); toward the Dead Sea, it was the birthplace of the prophet Amos.
David needed to make a decision concerning Absalom, and just letting things stew was not helping the situation, but he was in a difficult position as much as he was king, and it was his duty to uphold the law, yet he was a father and, as such, no doubt wanted to see his son. Hey saints, this is always a difficult situation to be in when you are in leadership doing the right thing concerning your children and family yet still being under the same standard as everyone else. David is not the first nor the last that has had to battle this.
Vs. 4-7 So she did exactly as Joab told her, giving her a sad story that was more about how this affected her than the justice of the situation, as she gives her poetical conclusion, “They would extinguish my ember that is left” (verse 7). Joab takes a page out of Nathan’s confrontation of David with his own fabricated story, including an actor from Tekoa who came dressed for the part and rehearsed with the lines that Joab put in her mouth. Her two sons sound a lot like Cain and Abel as they fought in the field with no one being there to separate them, the outcome being the death of one of her boys at the hands of the other. To further get David to rule with a pardon, notice that Joab’s “words in her mouth” varied from David’s own situation in four key points when compared with the actual situation:
- She was an elderly widow, and with one boy now dead, she only had one heir left, not the case with David.
- She was receiving a good deal of pressure from outside family members to avenge her one son’s death by executing the other boy; again, this was not the case with David.
- She was alone in opposing this, as she says that in so doing it would “extinguish her ember as well.” In other words, this was a death sentence to not only the guilty son but to her as well. Again, this detail did not fit David’s own situation.
- Finally, according to Ex. 21:12–14, we are told that “He who strikes a man so that he dies shall surely be put to death. However, if he did not lie in wait, but God delivered him into his hand, then I will appoint for you a place where he may flee. But if a man acts with premeditation against his neighbor, to kill him by treachery, you shall take him from My altar, that he may die.” The Word of God clearly provided a different slant on the sentence for the fabricated story, as the surviving son was guilty, but depending on the circumstances, he may be judged differently than “premeditation,” which is what Absalom had done to his brother Amnon.
There was no police force, detective squad, or crime scene investigation team that could sort through the evidence to determine the cause of death and whether or not it was premeditated, so it was up to the next family member to be the avenger of blood. Now you might recall that there was a place the killer could run to, and it was called the city of refuge until he could get a trial to see if the killing was premeditated. If it was not, then they would be forced to stay in the city of refuge until the high priest would die.
Vs.8-11 David’s only response at first was in verse 8, where he agreed to take the case as being the king; he wanted to take some time and consider the case to research it in the Word of God, but that would not grant the decision Joab wanted. Joab couldn’t risk that, so he has her pressure him for a judgment, saying, “Oh king, make a decision, and I’ll take the responsibility.” And what she wanted was this snap decision that said, “Your son is forgiven.” Which would be based solely upon how this affected the woman, not upon satisfying the demands of justice nor upon how it would affect future cases. To further get David to make a judgment, she promises to assume the guilt of whatever decision he made on her behalf, and in so doing, she got him to take an oath concerning his judgment on her behalf; thus, it was now law, and that is what she and Joab waited for.
Joab’s intent was to get David to bend the rules of justice, to extend mercy in her case and to forgo justice. But the truth of the matter was that these were two entirely different situations, as in her hypothetical case the son’s death was not intentional but accidental as they were in a fight in which the son was killed. Yet David was trapped as he gave a judgment based upon emotion and not according to the word of God.
Vs. 12-20 David had agreed to protect a guilty son in a small family who he didn’t know; how could he back out of protecting his own son whom he loved? Joab had her spring the trap: “Why is your judgment right for me but not right for the nation? You said that the son should be forgiven, that I might have an heir, yet you have banished the future heir to the throne.” To Joab, the greater sin was found in David not seeking to reconcile with Absalom and not in Absalom’s murder of Amnon or Amnon’s rape of his sister Tamar. His argument seems to be, How does slaying the murderer bring back the victim, so why not give him a chance?
She further puts on the thumb screws by saying, “Look, once you’re dead, you won’t get the opportunity to reconcile with your son,” and she is right, as death ends our earthly opportunity to forgive, show kindness, and reconcile with those that we are estranged from. Though it is true that God devises ways that His banished are not expelled from Him forever, it is never at the expense of satisfying the demands of justice. Literally, “God devises” means” “He plans planning’s.” But He will not forgive a man for his sin until He has satisfied what justice demands He can. His very character forbids it. It is for this reason His only Son went to the cross, where sin’s requirements were met.
Hey, saint’s pride is a horrible thing, as it often causes people to not do what they will later regret for the rest of their lives. I’ve been at many funerals over the years where the biggest tears are often the tears of regret for not having said I love you and I’m sorry, and now reality has set in that they waited too long and the opportunity has passed them by “like water that’s spilt on the ground as you can’t gather it up again”! So she says.
Now go with me for a moment and think of the means by which the Lord has gone to reconcile with us, whose sin has exiled us from His presence. God had a plan by which the sons of Adam born apart from Him would not have to spend eternity apart from Him. Ah, but unlike Joab’s plan, it was not by excusing justice for the sake of mercy; it was by satisfying justice. What? Well, you see, mankind wants to either avoid justice, do enough penance, or work to satisfy justice’s demands. Now all sounds fine until you ask yourself how you would feel if your son or daughter was murdered and the person who was guilty of the crime just got off scot-free, or perhaps they didn’t get off but instead had to wash your car and mow your lawn for the rest of your life. You see, as we look at Jesus Christ dying on the cross, we see how God was able to accomplish what justice demanded (death) while at the same time being able to grant us mercy by reuniting us to Himself.
Hey, saints, we have the responsibility to not only do the right thing, but to do so the right way. “Find a way to make it work, David, just as God finds a way to bring us back to Himself.” Though that is true, God never does so at the expense of justice. God only reconciles by satisfying justice, never by ignoring it. David was willing to set aside justice for the sake of sympathy, and that was what Joab was proposing by way of the woman from Tekoa, and it is what the world wants—a “crossless gospel,” one in which God simply overlooks sin and wrong but does nothing to satisfy it. We have a court system at times in which a person guilty of murder gets off, but what of the victims? How is justice satisfied for them?
Apparently David’s suspicions have been aroused as he wants to know who put her up to this, so she flatters him by saying, “I knew that your heart would be this way, because you’re like an angel of God.” “Ok, whatever, now tell me, isn’t Joab behind this”? David says. So now he has her in a corner, and she says, “You caught us!” But she is the reason for the fabrication by Joab “to bring about this change of affairs” (verse 20).
Vs. 21-24 Joab must have been around the corner when the woman was telling the story to David, as he suddenly appears, and it seems as though, based upon his words in verse 22, that Joab has discussed this with David prior. Apparently Joab does a little kissing up as well, but although Absalom returned from his exile, he still didn’t see David for another two full years, according to verse 28.
Joab got what he wanted, hoping that David’s reconciliation with Absalom would prevent civil war, but it didn’t prevent it; no, it usurped it in. But David’s reconciliation with Absalom was only back to the nation, not with each other, as he refused to see him for two more years. Poor David, who is now trying to compensate for his permissive indulgent parenting style, is now trying a new tactic: ignoring Absalom.
So why was Joab so intent upon restoring Absalom? It appears as though Joab may have had some motives for securing his own position in the future, especially in light of his words concerning him and his brother in 3:29. So David gives in, seeing he made a judgment, but says, “He can come home, but I don’t want to see his face.”
Forgiveness apart from repentance
Vs. 25-27 For the first three years, Absalom fled justice for the murder of his brother Amnon in a self-imposed exile. At the manipulation of Joab, David allows Absalom a sort of house arrest as he is allowed back into Jerusalem but not into the royal court. Apparently, that face was pleasing to the nation if it wasn’t pleasing to David, as we are told of his handsome appearance. The popularity of Absalom was clearly tied to his physical appearance, and one is reminded of Saul’s similar election based upon his appearance in 1 Sam. 9:2. I have long watched in our democracy the popularity and the opportunities granted to those whose noses or hair styles are deemed more attractive to the populace than others. What often seems to be a voting draw for people is how a person looks instead of their character and integrity or even their political positions. We are told that Absalom’s (now the crown prince) hair is what they seemed to like, as when it was cut once a year it would weigh 5 ½ pounds. No doubt all the girls swooned at Absalom even though he was a murderer. It is interesting to note that that which Absalom and others gloried in will cost him his life in chapter 18:9. As he was escaping on his mule, he went under a low-lying tree, causing his long hair to get stuck and leave him dangling, to which Joab will thrust him through with three spears.
Vs. 28-33 There were restrictions placed on Absalom, as he was to remain under house arrest and was not allowed to see his father. David had been guilty of pampering his two sons, and he wanted to make sure he didn’t do so again, only this time he went too far the other way. There is little doubt that Absalom felt justified in killing his brother, and David’s avoidance only fueled his frustration with his father’s ability to rule the nation.The lack of contact between David and Absalom didn’t hurt his popularity with the nation, as apparently Absalom engaged in a little PR. The fact that he had plotted the murder of his brother and proved his guilt by running away all they cared about was his long flowing hair and good looks. We are told that Absalom had three sons and one daughter, but according to 18:18, all three of those sons died as he had no heir to carry on his name, thus he had to erect a pillar to tell everybody how great he was.
So he sends for Joab, but Joab feels that Absalom is too hot of a political topic, so he does not answer his repeated calls. So Absalom thinks, “Hey, I know Joab has a field next to mine; I’ll set it on fire that’ll get his attention.” This gives you a hint of what kind of person Absalom was, as he was not fit to run a nation; there was no humility and brokenness in Absalom, just pride and brutality. Being back in Jerusalem yet banned from the king’s presence meant that you were most likely not first in line to the throne, and make no mistake about it, Absalom wanted to be king. Perhaps Joab perceived the danger he and the nation were in if the egotistical Absalom was not at least shown some attention. But after two full years of waiting to be restored to his position, he felt that he had suffered enough and made several attempts to get Joab to intervene, but he wasn’t answering his phone.
So he set his crops on fire to get Joab’s attention. Under the law, the arsonist was to repay the owner for the lost crop, so that way no one would suspect anything. Absalom gave Joab two choices: either take him to his father for complete restoration of position or take him to court and prove he is a murderer. Joab had no choice, as Absalom’s popularity had grown, that taking him to court would only make Joab look bad and, if he ever became king, would cost him his life. Absalom’s statement in verse 32, “If there is iniquity in me, let him execute me,” is a very revealing statement, as clearly he is unable to see that he premeditatedly executed his brother. Sin blinds the heart to its own wickedness, and it is something that we clearly need to be on guard against. David’s act of kissing his son was a sign of forgiveness, but it was without any confession or repentance. Absalom was never repentant, nor did he seek forgiveness. David was about to lose everything again because he failed as a father to deal with his son’s sin.
David is unwilling to make sure that his son has truly forgiven but withholds the opportunity to get his son’s heart right. Reconciliation is finally made, but far too late, as bitterness has taken hold of Absalom’s heart towards his father. After all, David was a man who had sinned greatly and gotten away with it, and now he sat over and judged Absalom and put conditions on it? This faulty forgiveness of Absalom didn’t lead to true restoration or repentance from Absalom; no, it only ensured further sin and rebellion. David and Joab hadn’t helped the nation or Absalom; they only guaranteed further heartache and sin. Absalom should have cut and weighed his hair prior to chapter 18:9, as it will get caught in a tree and lead to his being speared three times by none other than Joab.
Sometimes I think God tries to get our attention time and again, and we won’t respond as He is seeking to get us to reconcile with Him. And when we refuse His repeated attempts, He will go out and set our fields on fire. Do you know what I mean? Has the Lord ever set your field on fire in an attempt to get a hold of you? ‘Hey God, what’s the big deal? Why did you go and burn my field down?’ “Well, Dale, first of all, it’s not your field; it’s my field that I gave to you as a stewardship. Second, I wanted to speak with you about this area of your heart.” ‘Lord, if you wanted to talk to me, all you had to do was tell me, Why is it that you’ve been trying to get a hold of me for months and I wasn’t paying attention? I’m sorry, Lord, I’m listening now, so could you send some rain to put out the flames?’ If the pardon we want is the kind where He winks at sin, you will find none offered, but if what we want is to be saved from ourselves, then we will find forgiveness.